14 March 2003


New members joining us this week are:

Mike Rowan from Swindon, UK

Bernie Hurdsfield from Corby, UK  

Welcome to the OBA!


From: Steve Maunder, Exeter, UK
Date: 07 Mar 2003 17:59
Subject: Update

Hi Tony,

Hope all is well your end. Thank you for all your hard work on the Website and the weekly brief which I look forward to receiving every Friday (like clockwork!!)

I have been following the discussion re longest flights and thought you might be interested in mine: 16 hours, 44 minutes from Ascension to Ascension! En-route to Port Stanley at the end of September 1982 we lost an engine 3/4's of the way there, so had to turn around and come back as there were no engineering facilities at Stanley to fix it. We got back to ASI OK, had about 13 hours to recover before we went off again for 12 hours 17 minutes, thankfully arriving in one piece to take over from the first team there after the end of the conflict.

Thought I would start a new category to discuss!! "Strangest take off or landing."  My strangest take off was from a taxi way at McClellan AFB. We arrived the night before they closed the runway for re-surfacing hence the use of the taxi-way. We wouldn't have minded but it was not the most level we had seen, so the take off was more akin to crossing the channel in a force 9!! I was never airsick during my tour on MAMS but I came pretty close on that occasion!! 

My worst take-off was out of Darwin, Australia. We were flying in an empty airframe to Singapore (night stop of course), about 4 minutes after take off, we were walking up front for coffee, when the alarm bell went and I dived into a seat near the front windows, looking out I saw not 1 but TWO propellers being feathered. I looked across at Mal Paton and signalled that the two engines on my side were dead but he shook his head telling me that one HIS side was feathered......... I don't know if you've ever noticed but you always seem to remember some trivia in a situation like that...... mine was that the most shark infested water in the world is between Australia and Singapore.... so there we were hanging on one prop over this bit of water....fortunately the crew did as they were trained to do and got us "feet dry" ASAP. We ended up spending eight days in Darwin waiting for a new engine and two new props from Hong Kong ( I's a bitch..............)

On the home front, I have just been promoted to Flight Lieutenant RAF VR(T) and am now Officer Commanding 13 (City of Exeter) Squadron, Air Training Corps. Not bad for an retired muppet corporal eh? Mind you , I am starting to feel old now (I am 41 in June.......) I had the honour to watch my eldest daughter in her passing out parade at RAF Halton last month and boy did the memories flood back of my square bashing days!! Will send you an updated photo for my profile page soon. Also my Website address has changed as follows and as I am living in sunny Torquay now my phone number is 01803 310063.

Best wishes, keep up the good work.

Good luck to everyone involved in events in the Gulf and our thoughts are with you

Steve Maunder
Kilo team 1980-85 


From: Ian Berry, Swindon, UK
Date: 09 Mar 2003 10:02
Subject: New Aircraft Taking on Baghdad Schedule

Dear All,

We're about to receive new scheduling involving the attached type of aircraft. Initially, the work rate will be quite high.



The following is an entry in the Official UKMAMS web site guestbook and was forwarded to me for inclusion in this week's newsletter.  I did write to Ivan but have not yet received a reply:

Monday 03/10/2003 0:58:56am 

Name: Ivan Gervais


City/Country: Warrington

Team: Kilo

Years: Longest ever server on Kilo

Comments: I am truly "gobsmacked" to see all these names that rekindle old and good memories of years gone. I am however getting so old that I can hardly put faces to these names. Thanks, however to the "Team Brief" it clears up a lot for me. 




SAC Phillips operates an Atlas Transfer Loader in Kabul, Afghanistan.  She doesn't look at all worried!


At the bottom left of your keyboard, between the CTRL and ALT  keys, is a key with a picture of a window.  Hold down WINDOW and press R. In the dialog box type dxdiag  and press ENTER.  Have fun!


From: Charles Collier, Marlborough, UK
Date: 12 Mar 2003 16:19
Subject: Another Halton Venezuelan AA Story!

Hello Tony. 

Venezuelan Aircraft Apprentice Garcia got into trouble and was charged: he had been AWOL for 4 hours 7 minutes (he was late back on Saturday night from visiting the fleshpots of Soho). I'd better explain that when they were allowed out after Saturday morning parades and kit inspections they would put on their best air force uniforms - they looked like air marshals! And armed with extra money, given to them for saints days, etc. on the Catholic calendar by their air attaché; London was their hunting ground!

It's not then surprising that they found it difficult to get back to RAF Halton by midnight. Cars were not allowed so one had to rely on the train service from Marylebone station. 

Anyway, the charge was arranged and I was the escort. The young flying officer heard the evidence from the RAF Police and then asked Garcia if he had anything to say. With a straight face he responded in Spanish 'You look like your mother's c..t" to the flight commander, who fortunately didn't understand the language and ordered him to speak English. He pleaded guilty and got seven days jankers. However, if the officer had understood what he had said he would have received a much more severe punishment!

The Halton apprentice life had it's amusing moments and this was one.

All the best everybody



From: Martin Liggett, Swindon, UK
Date: 13 Mar 2003 13:12
Subject: Newsletter

Hi Tony,

All the best 



From: Martin Liggett, Swindon, UK
Date: 14 Mar 2003 04:37
Subject: Interesting Thread

Hi Tony,

You might like to read the interesting views of our "first rate aircrew" on the thread at  "Sorry, you're a pax now."

There are some anti-mover rantings, maybe they should try taking their aircrew knives on a civilian flight and see how they get on?




From: Dennis Martin, Woking, UK
Date: 14 Mar 2003 13:31
Subject: Golf Tales (Tails?)

I met a golfing friend of mine in our local and I asked why he had a bandage around his head. He said he got it playing golf. I said that he must have been in the way of a fast ball! 

He said, No, I was playing in a three-ball and I hit my ball into a field where some cows were grazing. A lady golfer had done the same thing and we were both looking for our balls. 

I found mine, then noticed that one of the cows was very restless and swishing it's tail in an agitated manner. I went over and lifted it's tail, and saw a golf ball wedged in it's cleavage. I said to the lady 'this looks like yours' and she responded with seven iron on the back of my head!


Dennis Martin.


From: Bill Nangle, Victoria BC, Canada
Date: 14 Mar 2003 13:50
Subject: Re: Hang on.... wait for it.....

There I was, toast and tea and no Old Boys Briefs! Good grief, the calamity this has caused!

Take yer time Tony, you're probably recovering from shovelling your driveway of all that snow you've had. I on the other hand have just mowed the lawn and trimmed the rose bushes :o)


(Canada's tropical playground!)


From: Duncan Andrews, Wroughton, UK
Date: 14 Mar 2003 18:38
Subject: The Future’s Bright, The Future’s... Sandy

This is an article that was submitted to The RAF News who dutifully ignored it and printed some drivel about the RAF Regiment and aircrew!


As the UK’s military juggernaut gathers momentum on its latest whistle-stop tour of the world’s trouble spots, one Lyneham-based unit has – if not taken up a position behind the steering wheel – at least sat itself firmly in the adjacent passenger’s seat. The United Kingdom Mobile Air Movements Squadron (UKMAMS) has, for many years, provided a ‘light blue’ focus to operational logistics and, following successful deployments in support of EX SSII and latterly OP FINGAL and OP JACANA, personnel from the squadron’s mobile element find themselves, once again, surrounded by sand. From the early days of OP TELIC, the squadron’s unofficial motto of “First in. Last out” has never seemed so apt. No sooner had UKMAMS left Afghanistan (which reminds me – I think I forgot to switch the lights off on the way out) and handed over to the lucky soles who populate DWR posts in that part of the world, than the political map changed once again and the focus switched to another part of the Middle East.

As one of the RAF’s Air Combat Service Support Units (ACSSU), UKMAMS will invariably be one of the first ‘airfield enablers’ into any theatre. Most recently, squadron personnel have found themselves camped alongside our cousins from across The Pond in Kuwait. Most of the men and women on the Squadron are old hands at the operational game and no sooner had the first aircraft been handled that the proverbial lanterns began swinging, as they recounted tales from their previous trips to that part of the world, during OP GRANBY. 

During exercises, operations and TTW, the locations may change but the basic modus operandi remains the same. After deploying to Kuwait with the same old faces from the other services and following a period of ‘digging in’ – a very grand name for tent erection – the real work began. UKMAMS has handled a myriad of aircraft types, both military and civilian charter, since the first day of the deployment and have, working closely with American forces and personnel from 29 Regt RLC, coordinated the offload and in-theatre dispersal of UK forces and equipment. Whilst the common and garden ‘Ramp Tramp’ is a noble profession, squadron personnel pride themselves on their excellent all-round specialist knowledge of all things ‘AT’ and, as such, this expertise has been much sought after. In addition to airfield duties, movers have found themselves firmly ensconced within multi-national and tri-service headquarters, providing valuable support and advice, thus ensuring the smooth flow of aircraft, personnel and equipment into theatre.

As it stands, UKMAMS have approximately 75% of its deployable personnel liberally scattered worldwide and have been in Kuwait since mid-January. They have become one of the vital wheels on that ever-accelerating juggernaut and will, no doubt be there to greet the reader as he or she scurries off a Hercules ramp or climbs down the aircraft steps into the dizzying light and arid atmosphere of the Middle East.

Remember – the future’s bright, the future’s…  sandy!"


From: Duncan Andrews, Wroughton, UK
Date: 14 Mar 2002 18:50
Subject: HOT Pictures from the Front Line in.....   "Somewhere Sandy"


In true MAMS tradition we handle anything that comes our way and with the new ATLAS 2K the turnaround of a civilian charter is completed easily.





Sqn Ldr Simon Fletcher pictured here "driving" our latest piece of ACHE; the new JCB 550 Telehandler forklift (with optional bucket fitted).

This is a great piece of kit for filling  sandbag filling machine hoppers and clearing scrub as well as being an excellent forklift.

The machine went U/S shortly after this picture was taken - who says officers shouldn't be allowed to drive ache?!




A news article here in the UK told us of the air conditioned barber's shop which is provided for deployed US troops, well we have our own hair conditioning as you can see from the picture FS Taff Wood is getting all the air he needs as he gets a top quality "No1".




These are the censored pictures, I'm sure some more interesting ones will be available after the dust has settled!




The rumours were true.  UKMAMS teams are now travelling incognito in-theatre.  Here a team
enjoys the comforts of an Albert whilst waiting patiently for their gobbly boxes and lemonade.


Well, that's it for this week

Have a great weekend!

Best regards