03 August 2001


Just for the heck of it I compiled a few interesting OBA website statistics last weekend - the figures are fairly accurate as of 28 July 2001:

Number of pages on the site: 253
Number of individual files: 1,188
Space occupied on server: 18.6MB
Visitors to Date: 9,067

When I think about it, back in March of 2000 there were just a couple of vague mentions of UKMAMS on the Internet, and most search engines didn't find anything at all. A Google search just a few moments ago revealed 353 references. Now that's a lot of Muppety stuff on the Net!!

Joining us this week are:

Tom Ware from Peterborough, UK

Will Tuckett from Kent, UK

Welcome to the OBA!

The following recipients of the Old Boys Briefs are having their mail returned as undeliverable: - Dave Greaves - St. Neots Tel: 01480-392815 - Kevin Sullivan - New Balderton Tel: 01636-822245 - John Lyle - Torquay, no telephone number

If anyone is in their areas and can contact them to find out their current e-mail address it would be greatly appreciated.


From: Stephen Nicholson
Subject: Re: Thank you
Sent: 29 July 2001 16:20


I have a few more anecdotes which I will try and dig up for you. Quite a few of the DHL Boys are ex-forces and these things appear quite regularly from around the planet.

Here is one second-hand from memory, as I have not saved it.

The occasion is a visit of a young female (or whatever) reporter to a US Army establishment, wherein a group of underprivileged juveniles are being offered a weekend of fun and excitement as guests of the US Army.

Reporter: So what will these young people be doing here this weekend?

OIC: Well, they will be going orienteering, climbing, rappelling, trekking and firing on the range.

Reporter: Firing on the range? Is not that a dangerous enterprise for young persons to undertake?

OIC: No, not at all. They will be supervised at all times and will have to pass the basic safety tests before they even are allowed near a live weapon.

Reporter: But by using deadly firearms, you are equipping them to become juvenile killers!!!

OIC: Madam, by being a woman, you are equipped to become a [lady of the evening], but you are not one, are you?

Interview ends (abruptly).

Probably unprintable these days, but there you are. Happy week.


[Ed: Thanks Steve - always the gentleman!]


From: Shuggie Shewan
Subject: Images 1990 -1999 [BruceOram09]
Date: Sun, 29 Jul 2001 17:58:00 +0100


I'm not 100% sure but the n/k at the back of the class looks like a bit like 'Paddy Mulholland'. I did my Advance Movs course with amongst others, Paddy, but I don't know what he's up to nowadays.

Hope this helps.

Rgds Shuggie

[Ed: Thanks Shuggie - it will be changed]


From: Philipp Clarke
Subject: Vienna calling
Date: Wed, 1 Aug 2001 16:36:01 +0200

Hi Ruan,

Having a glance at your website and noticed vacancies at Ostend for Ops Assistants/Flight Managers. If the jobs are still open you could suggest to the boss advertising for free on the following web site:

This is the web site of the RAF's Mobile Air Movements Old Boys Association, some of us being older than others. The webmaster is an old mate of mine, Tony Gale, who I joined up with in 1963. I'm copying him in on this mail.

I'm sure there would be a good response as there are young keen lads leaving the RAF all the time. Worth having a look at anyway if you're interested in (old) aircraft and even older old soldiers.

Look forward to working with you again soon.

Cheers Phil

[Ed: Hmmm - looks promising]


From: Ruan Courtney
Sent: Mittwoch, 01. August 2001 16:44
To: Clarke Philipp
Subject: RE: Vienna calling


Many thanks for your email. How's life over there in sunny Austria?

For us things are a little slow in the charter market. Too many aircraft chasing too little cargo. As a result we have had to suspend our recruitment at least until things pick up, hopefully in Sept/Oct when the season kicks off. That just goes to show how often our website is updated.

Looking forward to all your AOG charters



[Ed: Oh well, back on yer 'eads lads!]


From: Jack Riley
Subject: Ever Wonder?
Date: Wed, 1 Aug 2001 09:07:16 +1000

Hi Tony

The site looks terrific.Your houseguests must have been inspirational! Thought the latest offering from my friends in the USA might make the Humour section!

Ever wonder:

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Regards to you both

Jack and Jude

[Ed: Thanks Jack - and Jude!]


From: Scott Innes
Subject: Mystery Photograph Suggestions
Date: Thu, 02 Aug 2001 09:34:23

This week's Mystery Photograph is a Messerschmitt 163 Komet. Might be on the move from the former museum at Colerne up to Cosford when Colerne closed.

Nasty bits of kit as they had a tendency to explode due to the volatile mix of fuels used - contact with any organic substance would turn it to mush, including the pilots flying them!


[Ed: There's no fooling you. So far it's Scotty 2 / Webbie 0! - (I'll get you yet!)]


From: Bobby Atcheson
Subject: Mystery Photograph Suggestions
Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2001 13:38:05 +0100

I just chanced onto this website during my lunch break and was stunned to find myself in the Mystery Photo. I was on UKMAMS from December 1968 until February 1972. This is C team around 1970/71 and we are loading the fuselage of a prototype German WWll fighter onto a C130. We had to take that and some other WWl planes to an Air Museum. It may have been Hendon but it was so long ago I'm not certain.

From left to right in the photo - Flg Off Dick Green, SGT Ben Johnson, SAC Eddie Mottram, I don't recognise the bloke sitting on the plane, SAC Bob Atcheson (me), Flt Sgt Alan Wincott.

[Ed: What a super surprize! Bobby and I joined up together back in '63 (along with Phil Clarke) - I am just waiting to hear back from him with all his news from the last quarter century! Oh by the way - the chap sitting on the fuselage of the plane was an Air Cadet - used as a counter balance to stop the thing from tipping on its nose!]


From: Chris Clarke
To: Ian Berry
Subject: C130J - Let them eat cake, and pull out the tirfors


Sorry I took so long to reply. Holidays, courses and 17,000 e-mails to reply to!

Very interesting gen on the "J".

I can't, but yet I can, believe all the anti-mover extras incorporated into the J model. It's so typical that the only Mover was booted off the procurement committee well before the aircraft became operational. I had a good two years on JATE that opened my eyes to how the RAF views the status of the Movements trade. The obvious impact to the RAF on its continual crapping on Movers is two fold:

1) They degrade the operational effectiveness of the air transport fleet by enacting poorly researched procurement policy because they ignore the expertise of the 'grunt' movers.

2) They piss us off enough to [force us to] leave.

I can't believe they have bought more Tirfors to enhance the capability of a 21st Century tactical transport aircraft ..... tirfors!

What is wrong with the standard USAF winch fitted on all the other C130's? Those not made in some ex-Group Captains little factory workshop in Tunbridge Wells?

That must look great on the NATO deployments as we are parked next to our multinational colleagues, hand cranking up a u/s Landrover ...... tactical air power in action .... its so bloody sad its laughable.

Every little thing like this saps the morale and will we were all born with to just get on and "hack it".

I can see the MoD and Air rank Officers at Command now, sympathetically saying: "Let them eat cake".

The other points you bring up; payload, fuel burn, lack of ramp pallet due to emergency exits etc., should have been addressed bloody years ago, who the hell actually goes out to put RAF input in the procurement process - the Station Padre? In a time of contracting resources there are no excuses for taxpayers money being wasted on an aircraft that is not developed to tailor made specifications, we bought 18 of them, that rates tweaks that we need, I just think that some MoD civvy and some Rodney who did the Movements course in 1975 probably made all the movements related decisions without any input from the Movements School, UKMAMS or even JATE AP.

Enough to make you weep.

Thanks for the gen on the "J", thank God I go to violent domestics instead of Med Man resupply moves!

Ok, change of topic, but still on the whine, here are some photo's I took off the British Army web site, they have a library of pictures etc., and I used the search engine to pull up some piccies of movers. I see that our job is so Mickey mouse we have Ground Engineers building pallets supervised by JENGO's ?

What is this? And this is posed for and shot for the Army!



[Ed: Thanks Pig - I guess you could always quit the Police Force and become a Civil Servant at MoD!]


From: Frank Kennedy
Subject: Bersatu Padu
Sent: Thursday, August 02, 2001 10:06 AM

I was looking through the gallery on the UKMAMS OBA site and noticed one of a bunch of guys during Bersatu Padu, courtesy of Ian Berry. As a matter of interest I was in that show as well, as a midshipman on board HMS BULWARK which, I recall, was operating offshore Treganu Province.

Since I was under training, I was despatched ashore with the bootnecks (I even abseiled out of a Wessex) and I spent what was probably the worst couple of weeks ever, living with them in the jungle armed with a shovel, a rifle and a backpack, plus a load of condoms for protection against promiscuous leeches! What really sticks in my mind about that was that during all these serious war games, plus the odd real commie guerrilla scare (they were infiltrating from the North) we would be hiding in a stinking trench in apparent secrecy when the Magnolia Milk boy, on bike, and jingling his bell would find us miles (we thought) from anywhere - those were the days weren't they? - so much for the sentiment of Bersatu Padu - I don't think anybody really took it seriously that we would be able to keep an effective force East of Suez, once we left Singapore!

Kind regards


[Ed: Thanks Frank - I should have been in that photograph also - but there were so many locals hanging about the perimeter of the camp, Roger Wood had me stay behind to guard our personal gear. I wasn't aware that there were actual Commie infiltrators from the North skulking around. It would have been a real fist fight had they actually "invaded" us. I recall that we were armed with the Browning 9mm pistol complete with no ammunition! There weren't even blanks available for this weapon, so that when the "pretend" enemy attacked us (Ghurkas) we had to shout "bang-bang" instead of being able to at least fire off some noise makers. The umpires were upset with us when we turned the anti-mosquito fogging machine on to slow them (the "enemy") down a bit - well - it did look a wee bit like a machine gun!]


Well that's it for this week

Have a great weekend!

Best regards